January 13, 2013

I "nested" the sh*t out of that kitchen y'all

My paternal grandma and my mother have a special superpower. I'm in awe. Its a gene that must be recessive, cause the hereditary gods did not grace me with this superpower. My mom and grandma are psychic! They know what is already in their pantry/cupboard/freezer/fridge without ever looking inside. AMAZING to somebody who cannot tell you if there is no milk or 2 full gallons of milk in the fridge right now. 

These stunning supermom powers come in handy for 3 reasons. One, they don't have 7 boxes of powdered jello in the pantry that is 5 years old.  Two, they don't have 5 spice jars of ground ginger cause they keep "forgetting" that they don't use it, and that if they ever did use it, that they ALREADY OWN SOME. And three, they could be in a grocery store and think to themselves "We could have squash casserole tonight." and then in Clark Kent fashion run through the recipe at the same time x-ray visioning their pantry 8 miles away and get what they need. FAS-CIN-A-TING.

I kinda thought that my superpowers would come with becoming a mother, but no such luck. I'm still x-ray visionless of all pantry items but only NOW I have a mini-me who needs 5 servings of fruits & veggies and day and can't live on macaroni & cheese alone. I'm advanced meal-planning doomed.

Mom superpowers aside, I still went to the store this weekend and wanted to feed my daughter squash casserole and broccoli rice casserole, and I only made it back with squash and broccoli, nothing else, just squash and broccoli. NOW, I am tasked with finding a recipe that matches my ingredients in the house. I have checked all 40+ of my cookbooks and pinterest (for several ADD hours) and there is no recipe that I'm not missing at least 1 or 2 ingredients (cheese would have been super helpful in making a casserole). That's me workin' the mom-system.... ambitiously backwards and unsuccessfully. Seriously WTH?

Please don't get me wrong. I CAN cook. I just need planning and a full recipe in front of me OR I need ambitious creative dumb luck (both are equally effective and delicious).

This entire post stems from the serious-cleanout of the kitchen this weekend... I SWEPT BEHIND THE FRIDGE Y'ALL (it was that serious). I'm trying to do a enthusiastic-pregnant-Crystal version of The January Cure on Apartment Therapy. This weekend's homework was to buy flowers, completely clean/organize the kitchen, then make myself a meal. Well the flowers I bought myself died in 2 days and you already know how the squash casserole didn't turn out. But I "nested" the sh*t out of that kitchen.

During my 2-day cleanfest I realized that I only use the top 1/3 of everything. 2/3 of all food, pots & pans, dishes, appliances, are a mystery to me. Thus the ancient powdered jello boxes and excessive amounts of spices. I also forgot about the home-canned apricots dated 2005, the gallon of pickels (leftover from my last pregnancy), the ice cream maker, the wine glasses and a gallon of cheap Canadian whiskey (that had to go). But if I was my supermom or grandma I would have totally remembered to make the jello 5 years ago, or to use the ice cream machine.

I purged (outboxed), nested and reorganized the kitchen till my feet hurt and my daughter was doing this.....
I still half-expect to have my mom/cook/wife superpowers to develop any day now, and then suddenly I'll just KNOW that I'm out of cheese and need to pick some up. Till then we'll just make sure she gets her veggies.