I thought my birth experience would be like my moms,
simple, easy, non-climactic (except for the fact that it was me entering this
world). It’s taken me 28 years to realize even though she’s MY mom my body has
never reacted like hers, I just got the curls and freckles, and everything else
is all dad and grandma.
A
lot of people have asked me “What happened, why the emergency C-section?” and I
have to politely tell them, “I don’t know. I was heavily medicated and though I
do remember some things reiterating it in chronological order would be
confusing. I’ve tried telling people the story, and I’ve butchered it a lot,
long awkward pauses and all.
Hindsight
20/20 and lots of research later, I would say that I understand a bit more
about that day and what happened. Kinda.
THE DOCTORS OFFICE (TUESDAY 11/29/11)
Up
until that day I had had a fairly easy pregnancy (something 1st time
moms brag about). I woke up Tuesday morning stressed, your dad wouldn’t get out
of bed, and I got frustrated at him, he also drove a little crazy to my doctors
appointment, and I got frustrated at him. In the car I had a really bad nose
bleed which is normal for a pregnancy at 36 weeks, but that just added to my
stress.
This
was suppose to be a NORMAL checkup. Once the nurse came in she told me I had to
go get tested for HIV, which scared me until I realized that was normal
procedure. She also told me I had a GBS infection that would be harmful to the
baby, which apparently is also very normal. But it scared me a little also.
THEN after all that the nurse took my blood pressure (BP). NOT GOOD ... She
made me lie down and wait 10 minutes to see if it would go down with a 2nd reading
... it didn’t. I blamed it on all the aforementioned stresses, but those
excuses weren’t cutting it with the nurse or doctor. It was high but not
dangerously high. Dr. McElroy came in and explained some of my concerns, she
measured my belly and punched on my uterus a little (I was 2cm dilated), she
estimated you at 7lbs, then as casual as can be she said “I’m going to send you
to the hospital for an hour of BP monitoring”. The blood rushed out of my face,
and needless to say I was very worried. She had just said I was going to the
hospital, THE HOSPITAL, where babies come from. I was at the edge of tears but I
held it together, I had to use every muscle in my body to play it cool. I had
to make myself become more frustrated than worried to keep from crying. Cause I
would have cried ... a lot.
On
the way to the hospital I called my work and told them I would be late, that I
was going to the hospital for some monitoring. I couldn’t call your Aunt Jessi
or your Grammy and Grandpa cause I would have cried. So I let your dad do that
after we got to the hospital, he was so calm and collected. Besides being
worried and frustrated, physically I felt fine.
AT
THE HOSPITAL
Once
we were at the hospital we went to the 2nd floor and checked in, just like me
and your dad had learned in our hospital tour. I expected that because I was
there to just be monitored for an hour that they would prop me up in the
hallway somewhere with a BP machine ... I was wrong again. They showed me to a
small room and had me strip down and put a robe on like I was about to give
birth. I reminded the nurse that I was only going to be there an hour, but I
wasn’t so sure by that time cause sending me to the HOSPITAL was definitely not
going to make my BP go down.
Your
dad updated your aunt and grandparents by text message about what was
happening, but informed them that it wasn’t that big a deal and to not rush
over to the hospital. Your Zint grandparents were out of town for work and just
asked to be updated. Your Aunt Jessi freaked out and was about to cancel her
work appointments. But nobody rushed to the hospital.
So
for the next hour+ me and your dad sat in a room, listening to the BP machine
take my blood pressure every 10 minutes, I had to lay on my left side and try
not to worry or stress out, I ended up falling asleep, which I thought would
help. I was hungry, and your dad was hungry. It was about that time that I
wished I had a better breakfast than a granola bar and an OJ.
WHEN
THINGS SPED UP
About
an hour and a half later Nurse Katherine came back in, she said that she told
Dr. McElroy my status, and that my blood pressure had gotten worse over the
last hour, so they were admitting me into the hospital to HAVE A BABY. I later
found out that I was officially admitted for severe preeclampsia and
hypertension. That’s when things sped up and the phone calls started. I had
your dad call his work and your Aunt Jessi, we had to send her to our house,
cause we didn’t have anything for the hospital. It was November you were 4
weeks early I hadn’t packed much yet. I called my work and told them I wouldn’t
be in for the rest of the year; I was going to HAVE A BABY.
Maggie,
I don’t care how long 36 weeks is (it could have been 36 months) nothing can
prepare you to bring another life into the world. Up until then I had called
you Fetus (for laughs) and gotten fat (really fat), it hadn’t really really
dawned on me that it was a tiny human that was kicking me from the inside.
I
then called your Grammy, I told her the situation and she didn’t believe me at
first, once I convinced her I was really at the hospital and that the nurse
said they were going to induce me, your grammy and grandpa (who was now also on
the line) got very very ecstatic. Their plan from there was to get in the car
and rush the four hours back to DFW, stopping along the way to grab their
camera from home. There really was no rush, I had a lot of time and medication
to go through before they even started the induction.
Over the next hour or two, the nurses hooked me up to an IV of magnesium to bring my BP down, an IV of fluids cause I wasn’t going to be moving for 48ish hours (I later found out), a catheter, the BP machine, these weird sock things to keep my edema (swelling) down in my legs, my heart rate monitor and your monitor were belt-like bands around my tummy and I had several blood tests done. And to top it all off none of the nurses could stick me just once, I have small veins so I got stuck several several times. I quickly became fascinated with my big giant yellow “fall risk” bracelet, it told nurses that I was on medication that made it sure that I couldn’t get out of bed.
I
got to call your great grandma next (the grandma you are named after), which
was fun, cause she thought you'd be early and was excited to hear what the
doctor said after my appointment that day. When I told her that she was right,
that you were going to be early, I could feel the smugness through the phone.
She asked me “how early did the doctor say?” She was kind of really surprised I
was HAVING THE BABY the next day, nobody not even her thought you’d be a
November baby. I still to this day blame your earliness on her crazy amazing
Thanksgiving dinner.
Things
get fuzzy here, and stay fuzzy for the next 36 hours. I can remember bits and
pieces, and this is an account of what I can remember, I regain nonfuzziness
about Thursday midday when they take me off the meds. Not only do I have a bad
memory in general but Magnesium makes people sleepy loopy, AND high blood
pressure causes your eyes to not focus really well (without my eyesight
memories blur together), and I was sleepy. Don’t worry, I remember you.
I
fell asleep several times on and off, Jessi showed up and set up her little
camp, my Mom and Dad came and video taped me a little bit, everybody would just
watch me sleep, leave to go eat and wait for my body to get ready to give
birth. Nothing really happened for the rest of the day, we watched Glee that
night, had lots of blood tests, we all laughed and made jokes, my nurse
switched over from Katherine to nurse Gretchen (who has 6 dogs). Aunt Jessi,
Grammy and Papa went to a nearby hotel to get showers and some rest. Nurse
Gretchen gave me an Ambien that night, cause I need all my strength for you the
next day. Your daddy slept next to me in the sleeper couch/chair thing. He
needed his strength too.
11/30/11
BIRTHDAY OF MAGGIE
Nurses
came in all night taking blood and checking our vitals. Nurse Gretchen said
that they were going to start the Pitocin (consequently the contractions) at
3:30 in the morning, so that’s when everybody came back. I could have cared less;
the Ambien was still taking affect. As far as I know, nothing really happened
again till 7 in the morning, when the nurses switched over and the doctors
started doing their “rounds”.
This
is also around the time that my water broke. Honestly I thought my catheter
fell out, so I sent your Aunt Jessi to tell the nurses of my unfortunate
situation, the nurses looked at her confused cause “catheters don’t just fall
out”. My water had broken. First-time mom mistake. Dr. McElroy came in later
and broke my water again cause the first natural break didn’t work that well.
Your
daddy was looking bad (he has never done well with depravity of sleep) and the
contractions hadn’t really started yet, and I was still only 2cm dilated, it
was going to be awhile. I wasn’t feeling anything. So, I sent your daddy home
to grab some things, get a haircut, and clean up the house some. I don’t know what I was thinking, and I don’t
know what your daddy was thinking listening to a half drugged woman in labor
with his child. But nonetheless he left that morning for Cedar Hill (40 minutes
away).
I
don’t know what time Nurses Rachelle and Nurse Priscilla decided to “up” the
Pitocin but I did watch Regis and Kelly (@9) and I had started to watch the
Wendy Williams show (@ 10). I do remember the contractions starting very soon
after the Pitocin “upping” and since I couldn’t move, I could only lay on my
left side, and everything I learned in my Lamaze class was that when dealing
with pain you don’t just want to sit and think about it. So I opted for the
epidural knowing the pain would get much worse really fast. The few
contractions I felt weren’t that bad, they felt like a really bad cramp in my
lower back. I now know that I was experiencing “back labor”.
The
anesthesiologist came in about 30 minutes after I decided and they asked me a
ton of questions about height and weight, they had me sit up and the doctor
gave me the epidural drip in my back. Around this time they had started me on
the GPS antibiotics and another antibiotic for another infection I had.
Grammy
and your Aunt Jessi watched over me, putting cold rags on my face and watching
our monitors beep, Grammy could tell me when a contraction was going to happen
so she would warn me when one was coming, I still don’t think that helped much,
it just made me more aware of the contractions, whereas they would have past
without my knowledge. Your papa would come over and hold my hand every once in
a while.
WHEN THINGS GOT SCARY
At
this point I had lots of drugs running through my body. The magnesium, the
fluids, 2 antibiotics, the Pitocin, the epidural, and I’m pretty sure there was
some leftover Ambien involved. Not to mention the numerous machines that were
monitoring you and me. I honestly don’t know what happened in the next few
minutes or what caused it.
But after
lots of research into the drugs and hearing other people’s stories, this is
what I believed happened in those few moments:
There
was some beeping on one of the machines we think this is where I lost oxygen,
and you “weren’t taking the contractions very well” (from the doctor later),
whatever the reason lots of nurses rushed in, sheets were thrown off of me,
somebody gave you a monitor that screwed directly into the top of your head. Your
grandpa Zint had to leave the room cause I was indisposed and Grammy and Aunt
Jessi just stood back up against the wall. One of the nurses yelled “get a
doctor any doctor on the floor”, another nurse in the hall said “we lost her”
(later we find out that this could have meant several things, but your papaw
who was in the hall took it as I had died) Your Aunt Jessi called your daddy
she told him to come back, but not to rush, your aunt didn’t tell him how
intense the situation seemed.
Your
Aunt Jessi’s story and Grammy’s story might reveal more about those few minutes,
but that’s the gist. I’ve pieced together some of your papaw’s story. But your
Grammy called him (not knowing he had thought I had died) and told him I was
ok. He had already called his mother and sister and now I know why he later was
holding my hand so tightly afterward. (To clarify I never had a seizure, even tho I thought recently that is
what happened.)
Anyways
when I came to, people were shouting my name in a question “Crystal? Crystal?”
and I noticed that there was a lot of nurses around. I didn’t know what had
just happened but this is about the time that Grammy remembered to turn on the
camera. So I have relived the next 15 minutes a lot.
Your
dad was on the way back (I later found out he was way really speeding). Dr.
McElroy came and explained that “THAT” couldn’t happen again and that I was
going to be having a C-section. I just asked that we wait for your daddy. The
nurses asked me lots of questions and your Aunt Jessi kept petting me and
telling the nurse I was anemic (I’m not. But I was getting irritated). The
nurses took my fingernail polish off, had me sign papers via finger prints, shaved
me, removed my wedding ring, got your daddy’s scrubs out so that he could put
them on quickly, and they gave me my wooden holding cross. As soon as your
daddy walked onto the floor they wheeled me away.
OPERATING ROOM
Next
I was in the operating room, they moved me onto the operating table. I asked
where Dr. McElroy was because everybody in scrubs looks the same. She said she
was there and there was a team of people from NICU for you and a team of nurses
for me. They tied my hands down and I felt like Jesus Christ on the cross, I
got to hold my wooden holding cross that a friend had given me years before. I
saw your daddy and I cried a little bit, he looked so nervous and silly with
the scrubs hat over his freshly shaved head. He stayed a good distance away and
but held my hand.
I
could feel the cold spinal in my back and I could feel lots of pulling and
tugging as the doctor opened me up and pulled you out and then suddenly you
were here, 11:47, I could hear you crying, which is the best sound in the world
cause I knew you were healthy. I asked if you were a boy or girl. GIRL! I cried
a lot. Your daddy kind of froze and a nurse took the camera from him and took
your first photos. I asked him if you were a Maggie or a Julia. He finalized
your name right then. YOUR WERE A MAGGIE. I remember saying how big you were
but the baby scale in that OR was broken so I didn’t know that you were only
5lbs small till later. I remember insisting that someone tell me your Apgar
score. They said you were a 7/9, which is great for a preemie. They brought you
too me all wrapped up and bundled with a hat on, I smiled the best I could
through my crying and drowsiness. They wheeled you off to NICU and I recall
that your daddy almost passed out too cause he lied and said that he HAD eaten
breakfast. But he did sit down in the OR.
I
remember being asked if I wanted to go to sleep via drugs and I can remember
asking if I would remember you and everything that had just happen. They said
yes I wouldn’t forget that. So I fell asleep.
WHILE I WAS ASLEEP and RECOVERING
Your
daddy got to tell everybody that you were a girl and show them pictures. We got
that part on video camera. Your grandma Roznik was the first to see you in the
NICU, followed by your Grammy. Papaw and Grammy went home and Aunt Jessi took a
nap in the waiting room. Your Grandma Roznik bought you your first preemie girl’s
clothes and some other little things. I do remember people coming in and out of
my room but its very vague to me.
3ish HOURS AFTER 11:47
After
talking with your daddy he said I was out for about 3 hours. The nurses woke me
up and told me I needed to feed you. I remember having to move which was super
painful and I might have cried a little. I was still stunned that I was a mom
and really hadn’t seen you much yet. Your daddy showed me some pictures of you in
the NICU and my head went into overdrive “BRING ME THE BABY, NOW!” How big were
you? Were you healthy? Why were you still in NICU? Were you really a red head? I
was so nervous and excited to meet you. Only your daddy and your Aunt Jessi
were there. The room was so dark, but they wheeled you into the room and I
cried so much. You were placed in my arms and I cried even more. I was holding
my baby. I had a baby girl. I was super shocked. I stripped you down naked
cause I wanted to see all of you, and I put you directly on my chest “skin to
skin”. The nurses tried to teach us to breast-feed but we didn’t get it right
away.
That
1st night was hard. I was still super drugged and drowsy and your
dad super tired, so you spent sometime in the nursery that night. They removed
my magnesium meds the next day and moved us to the recovery wing of the
hospital. I instantly started feeling better after I could brush my teeth and
get a shower.
In total, we spent 2 nights in the L&D wing and 2 nights in the recovery wing. We had several visitors of family and friends. We dressed you up and put little bows and tutus on you, we paraded you around the hospital in your little clear rolly bassinet. Your daddy went back to work on Friday, and your Grammy stayed the final night in the hospital with us. You were doing great, besides a little jaundice and being tiny. The doctors were waiting on me and my blood pressure to level out before they released us. I was tired but my spirits were up and I was making jokes with the nurses, which helped get us out of there. I was finally released Saturday around 7ish.
Grammy
drove us home on Saturday, December 3rd in a rainstorm, at night,
while she was drowsy and her hand was stuck in a bag of granola. Also there is
pizza, a shortage of lettuce at Wal-Mart, and a woman dressed all in black
holding a black umbrella screaming “Sh*t”. But THAT is another story.
Since that day I have learned SO
MUCH about being a mom. I gave you your 1st bath wrong and the tub
collapsed on you. I put mine/your first diaper on backwards. When you finally
got the hang of breast-feeding I cried audibly cause I had never been so proud
of a 5lb human before. Generally your daddy and me nicknamed you our
“trial-and-error baby”, we are still figuring it out everyday. Thank you so
much for being a good baby.
I love you so much, you won’t
understand how much until you have a baby one day. Trust me I love YOU the
most.
